Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Your Kink Is Not My Kink, is, for those of you who haven't seen the acronym before, the guiding principle of kinkmeme coexistence. It's how feeder kink can be in the same meme as underage, noncon, bestiality, and tickling. YKINMK is invoked in cases of kink shaming. So you don't like foot fetish? Refrain from kink shaming and scroll on by -- YKINMK and that's ok.

Question: have people truly bought into it, or is YKINMK just the price of doing business? Or put differently, does YKINMK conceal mutual disgust and tension, thereby making it possible for people with dissimilar tastes to get along? Or does YKINMK represent now common actual fannish* attitudes to each others' kinks?

*At least as far as kinkmemes go.

BTW, I don't really want to get into the SPN Blindfold thing right now. I'll just end up throwing things. Please don't.

Alternate: comment count unavailable comments

  • 1
... you make it sound as if it's a new thing.

No, I phrased it that way because not everyone likely to read is in fic fandom. Lots of my LJ/DW friends aren't in this part of fandom.

"Or does YKINMK represent now common actual fannish* attitudes to each others' kinks? "
I think this is what prompted me to have this reading.

Hmmm; I can't really talk about fandom as whole, but yeah, I'm pretty cool with the idea that different people like different things. There are tensions around specific bits, though, and those tensions can get pretty high - usually revolving around dub con & non con, and chan of course, and similar stuff; but otherwise feelings, I don't think difference of sexual kinks is really the biggest provider of the "there's someone doing fandom wrong on the internet!"

Ah, yeah. I probably should have left out the 'now'.

You seem to be echoing a lot of what Sistermagpie says downthread, and it's what I've observed too. People do seem to feel YKINMK deeply, but this starts to break down when it comes to the more contentious kinks.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be short there. :/

It probably depends on the kink. Since the whole thing is so connected to the id, it's probably hard to really not feel any judgment for somebody who has a kink for something that's a squick for you. But it's probably enough that people intellectually know that it's impolite to say so. With a lot of kinks, though, I think they're being honest. Like in situations where a kink doesn't interest you at all, but you don't feel very negatively about it even if you were looking at it in great detail.

This is pretty close to my opinion. You'll see the tension leeking out when discussion of more controversial kinks comes up, while the rest of the time it's seemingly easy enough to shrug it off.

I think the healthy way is to scroll past when necessary to avoid being traumatized. (Also, windmills, no point.)
...and then judge like mofos amongst your friends.

This totally doesn't answer anything.:)

I think there are cases where scrolling by isn't possible? I mean, everyone has there Gandalf line (THOUGH SHALL NOT PASS). Though of course it's usually best to scroll scroll scroll. And then judge amongst your friends. ;)


Yeah, scrolling by doesn't actually protect your eyes. Or soul.

And sometimes you just have to say shit because it's so bad, yet the people are obvs. too disturbed to hear it. :/

I think it varies from person to person but that most folks to believe in YKINMK to a pretty strong degree but that everyone has their own line, whether they realize it or not, and that not everyone has the same definition of what exactly can be considered a kink and what is 'overboard'.

Well, what's interesting is that the flashpoints seem to be the same kinks, over and over. Noncon, chan, etc can be counted on to provoke discussion and discomfort. That said, I think you're right about the fuzziness behind YKINMK. I don't think we quite know where our line is until we've crossed it.

I think you're absolutely right, and if you really think about the kinks you list here that cause discussion and discomfort (and more visceral reactions than that), it's the ones that real people can and have been victims of that they react to the most vehemently. A lot of times it's possible to let go of real pain and say that there's a difference - a buffer of sorts - between fiction and reality, but a lot of times, it's really not.

I think YKINMK(aTOK) is a great ideal, and I've defended (and will continue to do so) vehemently in the past. Policing of women's sexuality and sexual fantasies is a huge problem, and it's one that I fight against when and where I can. But sometimes, the line gets blurred, and it's just... it's hard to keep up. And as strongly as I believe in it, I've started doubting whether it's even applicable to everything, and I never thought I'd feel that way.

tw: mention of rape, child sexual assault, and incest(idk, I feel like my language is kinda frank in this comment, so warning)

Pretty much.

I mean, recently there was someone who posted to fanficrants to complain about a writer who used their own personal trauma to write a fic involving rape. They included in the warning that it was a personal piece and to please not leave comments about how 'hot' it is. The ranter claimed the writer was, essentially, harshing on their 'kink' and 'how dare they bring share something like that if they don't want to have people think it's hot!' or something along those lines. Basically, placing their 'kink' above another person's real life trauma. People called the ranter on their lack of consideration, but it really does point out some problems in what sometimes amounts to the fetishization of something horrible that happens to real people all the time.

Idk, idk... I wanna be all 'it's fiction, it doesn't hurt anyone, so no problem' but the reality is that in some ways it kinda does?

I mean, how is, for instance, non-con not, on some level, normalizing and possibly romanticizing rape? How is saying 'it's okay for you to ship a character who's 13 with an adult so long as it's not real' not going to make someone who's willing to ignore the 'so long as it's not real' part feel validated about getting off on the idea of adults having sex with children? How do you tell someone who was sexually abused by a family member than they shouldn't be hurt by someone who ships an incest pairing that reflects a little too closely what happened to them?

Yes, fantasies are fantasies and reality is reality. But when someone's fantasies are another person's reality, how can you tell them not to take it personally? Trigger warnings only keep them from reading it, not from the hit in the face of knowing that someone thinks what happened to them, granted in a fictional sense, is 'hot'.

/tl;dr: I'm at the point of "I've started doubting whether it's even applicable to everything, and I never thought I'd feel that way." as well. I mean, I don't wish to shame women, who already get enough shame, for their sexual fantasies but I don't want to hurt women, and survivors in general, either.

//hope this comment wasn't too off tangent. Just something that's been on my mind a lot lately

  • 1

Log in

No account? Create an account